"I want to be so light a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds"

Can’t get any sleep tonight.
It’s started again.
The questions, the thoughts.
It’s taking over; taking back the control.

Looking at my reflection.
Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat is all I see.
Oh how I wish I could see the real me.
The one that everyone else sees.

But the person deep inside of me has me blind.
Some days I feel okay. But other days, I just need help.
This is me now. This is the life that I cannot escape from;

Stick and stones may break her bones
But words can make her bleed inside
She'd never admit it to anyone though
She'll just keep saying "Im not hungry"

She may act happy and bubbly to you
But thats just to cover up her pain
In reality she's hurting so much inside
And feels so weak and drained.

She wont tell anyone how she feels
But just because she is smiling
It doesnt mean shes happy at all
Shes just covering up that shes slowly dying.

She sees an image of herself in the mirror
But its an image she wishes she couldnt see
Cause the mirror reflects someone she hates
Someone, something she doesnt want to be.

So what if they say I'll die, they need not interfere,
I haven't eaten in weeks, but I'm still here
My stomach is an empty hole
But at least I'm in control.


As my ballet teacher always used to shout at me:
" You can't carry yourself on your toes if you are fat! Nobody wants to see fat ballerinas! So whenever you feel hungry, remember that nothing tastes as good as thin feels... Don't you want to see your beautiful, beautiful bones? Bones are clean and pure. Fat is dirty and hangs on your bones like a parasite."